C' est La Vie

"Such is Life" ! ! !

Something told me how fortunate I am to have this life...this kinda life I live exactly! And I cannot help being grateful to it. Looking at my past, I realized how much I have changed, how much mature, understanding, tolerant and broad-minded I have been. I made several mistakes, YES it's true but I know that I always could be proud of the way I live my life. I know that I made right decisions most of the time, and I'm reaping them now.

Sometimes life could be full of hatred and dissatisfaction. Conscious or not, it obviously happens to people. There are many reasons why human feels that way. It is something that is not good but the world needs it to keep balance and harmony. The world needs somebody be lonely to make others happy. Someone needs to feel agitated so somebody else feels sorry. Someone needs to play safe so there will be a neutral ground which in a way or another, helps out one or the other. How could I not be happy understanding these things? How could I not be happy that it is for real?

There were times before when I know what is what but I refused to accept it. I chose to live with my dreams, my "self-created reality". I was afraid that if I wake up, I will not be able to live a life. But that was not what I wanted. I believe more than I doubt myself. I could live a real life according to my will.

Many times before I hated the world and everything that is in it. I felt like the world doesn't count me as a part of it. I existed but nobody felt me. I tried to survive and gained a life. A kind of life which I never thought I would have. I made the most of it not knowing that I've gone so far until I lost control. That's when life started to shatter. I moved on and continued living but my past kept on hunting me. I strove to be happy and I thought I was going to be. I tried to seek happiness in everything including rebelling and hating. Everything that I did seemed to sink me down even deeper. I couldn't let go of the truth that I didn't know how to live a life while others can. I knew deep inside of me that I could be the same but I didn't know how. I couldn't be happy any longer...not even for others. But luckily I was more clever than I expected. It didn't take me long to realize what was happening and what must be done.

There were also times when I preferred to play safe and go with any flow that is laid upon me.I thought that it's easier just to follow. And besides, it's better to take one's side 'cause I might be needing one next time. Then I could just be busy fulfilling my other cravings. I thought that if I'd satisfy myself with all material things I'd be successful and happy. Yes I was happy but I didn't feel any satisfaction and zest in life. It was too shallow as for a life of my own. It wasn't my kind of person!

I live and let live! I do because I feel that I can afford to. I have passed so many things in life that I just realize that I am already happy. With all the blessings, with all the people who allow me to matter in their lives in whatever way it is. I just feel so loved and important. I might have pissed and hurt many people around me and vice-versa. But when you reach a certain point in life when you feel satisfied and happy, you no longer have the feeling of remorse, envy and hatred. It doesn't really matter what others have more than you do but what matters is that you are happy. When a person is happy, he/she feels nothing else but joy and good wishes to others. When a person is happy, he/she has capability of understanding negative things without even getting affected by it. Initially as a human being might be but it is a delighted heart that brings great understanding of things. Human beings as we are, are sometimes drowned by our emotions but a clear mind cleansed by a pure heart brings us to a different stage, which we call ... a Fulfilling life!

I wish to continue my life this way and I will because I know that I can. I still believe that "Life is what we make it". "Happiness is a choice". I am making my life and I am happy about it. I am proud that I do what I want, I live the way I want. And most of all I am grateful that I am happy. It's not just words but really I DO! Since I have discovered myself more and more I cannot ignore feeling good about it. I got a family, not so great as I wanted it to be but not the worse either. I got friends who are honest enough being themselves which showed me who they really are. I may not have a prestigious career but I'm satisfied of my job. I wouldn't want to go further even if I can if that would only mean giving up some which I've got now. I got a loving boyfriend who is just exactly the one I was dreaming of (prior to the song SOMEBODY by Depeche Mode). c",) And most of all I have a beautiful life ahead of me which was all set and prepared by the Almighty even before I ask for it.

What else is there not to be happy about? I love my life more than ever. (",)

I wish happiness to everyone!