DiLemNa

i got so upset earlier this week that they haven't turned the heater on  in the class yet. i got so cold that i felt sore when i arrived home. i felt so bad that i didn't want to go to school the following day. but i thought that i gotta finish the scheduled activity so i wont cram later. so i did went and had classes. it was my friday class which i moved to wednesday. since i figured out that they are free on wednesdays, i changed our schedule so i can have a four-day weekend, which is very favorable so if i need to go our of town, i needn't cancel any classes on friday. when i got gome, i felt worse. i didn't have fever but my muscles and veins are all swollen. i felt so weak and cried in pain. tears were not just for physical pain but the fact that nobody really cares. i tried to take care but i didn't get what i deserve. i felt really bad and unfair. i decided not to have my thursday class. it's not that i just didn't want to but physically i cannot. i don't wanna worsen my situation. i should take care of myself. so, i stayed home the whole day thursday. i told my monitors to use our class time to practice for their class talent shoe the week after this week. the weather was little better than the past 3 days. in the afternoon, i felt a bit better already. i could have gone to school. but if i did, i might feel even worse when i'll be coming back. i cannot abuse it. i kinda got bored staying home though. i felt weak doing nothing as well. the day ended and i didn't feel any better. perhaps, i thought i slept too much? took much of rest? idled? i don't know. maybe partly guilty that i could have gone to class? i felt anxious. i was having a terrible headache at lunch time so in fact, i still couldn't go anywhere. but part of me is wanting to go out. i thought that maybe i needed fresh air. maybe the antibiotic i took the previous night brought th head pain. i didn't know what to think, i didn't know what i wanted. i felt hungry yet if i eat i feel bloated and wanting to blow up. i felt sleepy but i didn't want to sleep. ahhh too much of anxiety. finally, at the end of the day, i went out for dinner. breath fresh (at least as i thought so) air. ventilated myself and came back home feeling better. got a good sleep last night already though it was full of strange dreams which was probably taken from the movie (resident evil) i watched before i went to bed.

it's friday, i woke up early but not as early as usual. had breakfast (yesterday's pizza). and bonded with the internet. i'm doing some laaundry as well. later we're going out for lunch and maybe goof around the town if we feel like it. it's still foggy outside. not very pleasant for a day out but we'll see. good thing is, dilemna is over.