...the first fact...
There are many complications and things which are left undone recently. It all caused me anxiety. Anxiety which made me physically unwell. Anxious mind and "anxious body". I didn't know if I had a fever or just a common cold or a flu or diarrhea... wtf is even this?!
I'm just too impatient waiting for answers. It delays my plans. I'm quite good at planning but if realization of those plans have to wait... duh, I start buggering off it.
Many things could simply be done this or the other way but why nothing ever worked. I don't understand why they have to happen in such a ridiculous and most annoying way. It is not about being impatient. It is simply about the ABSENCE of LOGIC! Isn't it the most scary situation you'd ever be?
The thing is that when sometimes people try to help, they try too much that instead of letting things happen for you, they complicate and delay or even forbid you from doing it. Sometimes they want to help when help is not necessary. Sigh! I don't know when to complain because on the other hand, when people do things automatically without any emotions attached, it feels mechanical... but it works... fast actually.
...the second fact...
When expectations are not met, which either results to good or bad ... it brings confusion which later results to prolonged anxiety and a bit of fear then temporary blocked relief and peace of mind. I'm expecting something to be gone and it still not gone. Now I'm afraid that it might in the most unexpected moment since the time I expected passed already. I cannot be happier that it stayed 'cause I know it isn't permanent.
There is another thing expected and it's still not coming. Dang, surprise, will it be? To be honest I don't like surprises, even on my birthdays and other special days. I'd rather know things ahead so I would know how to accept them hehe. Is it ever coming or no? Why not let me know, right? If it isn't coming, why told me then before? Sigh, some people are just so fickle minded or maybe they never knew what they were and are doing.
...the third fact...
Some days I'd call "retard days". Today is one of those days. I feel high. Everyone around me behaves the same. Or is it them who made me felt high? Waaaaaaah..... it felt like the heavens showered the earth with some drug which made us behave like this today. I felt really funny. I like it though, I'd rather be like this than be full of stress and anxieties. But it's strange. Or is it really? Maybe I just got used to a world full of flaws. Maybe this is in fact the real life, the real world. Whew! Re-awakening, I heard it before...when you feel so good and kind and pure, free from hatred and fear. I don't know it was a good day but indeed I'd still say strange. It was like nearly a utopia in a split second.
...the fourth fact...
Indeed it is strange. Indeed it is a utopia ONLY in a split second. Now this is reality. This is recent and this is what is NOW.
The world is itself having drastic changes. The world itself wants to take back what is its. Life is already not long enough eversince the beginning. It has even become shorter in the course of time. Now it looks like somebody pushed the fast forward button that it made life even on its shortest stage already. You like it or no, it is bound to happen. Therefore I don't see any reason to rush it. Why? Why in heavens people cannot just WAIT ... WAIT for this shortened life to be taken back by Above? Why do they have to do unnecessary things?
I don't know if I want to feel sorry or disappointed or hopeless. It is probably too impossible to ask what I want to ask. It has been an eternal quest for everybody but nobody seems to want to hear it. It is like the story when "everybody" is actually "nobody".
...the fifth fact...
I didn't use to think about life and being grateful to it the way I do right this very moment. It was always difficult for me to treasure the "moments of present". I used to live a life in the "future". I tend to ignore the "present" 'cause I keep myself busy preparing for "tomorrow". I am never at ease when I am not sure of what will it be on the following day, days...and so on. I used to live my "today" as knowing what is "tomorrow". Perhaps many people are the same for I always encounter such topic in books and other discussions. I think I came to another turning point when I fully understood what my significant other is always telling me about "enjoying today". Yeah, right. He was right, they (those who said the same) were right.
It took me time and lots of chances to look around before I realize what it fully means. I do as for now and I think I'm doing it right gradually ",) The same old style of mine stays behind though. I can't just take it for granted for I know at time I'll be needing it.
There are many complications and things which are left undone recently. It all caused me anxiety. Anxiety which made me physically unwell. Anxious mind and "anxious body". I didn't know if I had a fever or just a common cold or a flu or diarrhea... wtf is even this?!
I'm just too impatient waiting for answers. It delays my plans. I'm quite good at planning but if realization of those plans have to wait... duh, I start buggering off it.
Many things could simply be done this or the other way but why nothing ever worked. I don't understand why they have to happen in such a ridiculous and most annoying way. It is not about being impatient. It is simply about the ABSENCE of LOGIC! Isn't it the most scary situation you'd ever be?
The thing is that when sometimes people try to help, they try too much that instead of letting things happen for you, they complicate and delay or even forbid you from doing it. Sometimes they want to help when help is not necessary. Sigh! I don't know when to complain because on the other hand, when people do things automatically without any emotions attached, it feels mechanical... but it works... fast actually.
...the second fact...
When expectations are not met, which either results to good or bad ... it brings confusion which later results to prolonged anxiety and a bit of fear then temporary blocked relief and peace of mind. I'm expecting something to be gone and it still not gone. Now I'm afraid that it might in the most unexpected moment since the time I expected passed already. I cannot be happier that it stayed 'cause I know it isn't permanent.
There is another thing expected and it's still not coming. Dang, surprise, will it be? To be honest I don't like surprises, even on my birthdays and other special days. I'd rather know things ahead so I would know how to accept them hehe. Is it ever coming or no? Why not let me know, right? If it isn't coming, why told me then before? Sigh, some people are just so fickle minded or maybe they never knew what they were and are doing.
...the third fact...
Some days I'd call "retard days". Today is one of those days. I feel high. Everyone around me behaves the same. Or is it them who made me felt high? Waaaaaaah..... it felt like the heavens showered the earth with some drug which made us behave like this today. I felt really funny. I like it though, I'd rather be like this than be full of stress and anxieties. But it's strange. Or is it really? Maybe I just got used to a world full of flaws. Maybe this is in fact the real life, the real world. Whew! Re-awakening, I heard it before...when you feel so good and kind and pure, free from hatred and fear. I don't know it was a good day but indeed I'd still say strange. It was like nearly a utopia in a split second.
...the fourth fact...
Indeed it is strange. Indeed it is a utopia ONLY in a split second. Now this is reality. This is recent and this is what is NOW.
The world is itself having drastic changes. The world itself wants to take back what is its. Life is already not long enough eversince the beginning. It has even become shorter in the course of time. Now it looks like somebody pushed the fast forward button that it made life even on its shortest stage already. You like it or no, it is bound to happen. Therefore I don't see any reason to rush it. Why? Why in heavens people cannot just WAIT ... WAIT for this shortened life to be taken back by Above? Why do they have to do unnecessary things?
I don't know if I want to feel sorry or disappointed or hopeless. It is probably too impossible to ask what I want to ask. It has been an eternal quest for everybody but nobody seems to want to hear it. It is like the story when "everybody" is actually "nobody".
...the fifth fact...
I didn't use to think about life and being grateful to it the way I do right this very moment. It was always difficult for me to treasure the "moments of present". I used to live a life in the "future". I tend to ignore the "present" 'cause I keep myself busy preparing for "tomorrow". I am never at ease when I am not sure of what will it be on the following day, days...and so on. I used to live my "today" as knowing what is "tomorrow". Perhaps many people are the same for I always encounter such topic in books and other discussions. I think I came to another turning point when I fully understood what my significant other is always telling me about "enjoying today". Yeah, right. He was right, they (those who said the same) were right.
It took me time and lots of chances to look around before I realize what it fully means. I do as for now and I think I'm doing it right gradually ",) The same old style of mine stays behind though. I can't just take it for granted for I know at time I'll be needing it.
interesting post. the many questions of life. I have them too. especially at my age!!
ReplyDeletealways remember, live in the moment. now is all you have.
Thanks Ms.Doreen. I've always thought that when I grow older, I'll have all my questions answered ",) But it seems that some questions will always be left unanswered unless I fabricate one ",)
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