I've had so much (maybe not that much) personal things in this blog that when I was down, I felt like running away from it the same way I ran away from the present reality I've had. Sometimes (for me at least) it's easier to detach, I'm better at handling emotions alone than with many others (that includes family). I don't know, maybe I'm afraid to be seen that weak in some cases. Maybe I tend to get more confused when others come for me. I'm definitely afraid of losing full control. Not that I'm a control freak (or maybe I am).
"Dau Ani" means grandmother. My husband's grandmother who raised him as a kid to support his mom who was then at the peak of her career.
If you have read one of my posts in fall, I once mentioned visiting her after we picked up yellow leaves in the park to bring her the season since she can't go out anymore. We also made a video of squirrel to show her. We brought her fresh (relatively fresh) coconut from Thailand which we found in the shop. We had fun, lots of fun opening the coconut with a kitchen knife and a hammer to help. That was ridiculous of course but we shared this memory with her. She was very excited that day. She was actively taking part in the activity, asking me to make picture of what's inside the coconut. She's not a tech savvy but she got used to it coz we always show her what's new. She was also emotional that day. She cried watching the videos of squirrel. In the video we made, we were asking the squirrel to "come to Dau Ani" and it came to us right up front the camera. It was lovely. Later she was happily laughing at how the squirrel was jumping on our legs and greedily taking nuts from my hands. She likes anything that is and feels beautiful. She'd often say "it's a miracle". I think she was very grateful to many things. She was a child of war so I understand very well how she could never take things for granted like many of us younger generations do. One very funny thing I always laugh at no matter how many times I heard from her is "just in case". She used to have an extra loaf of bread in the fridge and she won't eat it unless there is a replacement. She'd show it to us and say "and here's one more loaf inside...just in case". In case of what?! She'd not even answer us, "just in case" she'd repeat. When I heard of it first time I was laughing hard. Not insulting, just feeling funny. Then she told us stories during the war. How difficult it was. Those stories didn't start and finish in one visit. There were many continuations & different incidents everytime we come. There were times when we all (3 of us, with my hubs and I) end up very quiet having heavy hearts and thoughtful minds. There were many many stories from real experiences, from a first hand witness. She was a veteran. She was a nurse but during the WWII she was amongst those who were patching tank holes which were actively used by soldiers. There were times when they had to drag some parts of a soldier's body from the inside. I am still speechless about these facts. Knowing Russian history is difficult enough for me but hearing real stories from real people close to me is quite overwhelming. It's one thing when you read history, know figures and see pictures. It's another when you know these people, when you feel for these people. Our Dau Ani is just one. I am surrounded with people whose relatives have gone through the same unpleasant things. Unpleasant is surely an understatement. Dau Ani's husband had a more difficult human-heart breaking story, but I'll tell you about him in another post.
I have learned many things from Dau Ani. Really many things about life. She once told us not to think bad if some elderly are staring at us (which happens quite often in our case). She said they don't mean any harm, they just think slow at their age and think a lot more about how life or the world has changed. Russian elderlies lived during soviet times, for them, it's something not easy to believe that nowadays, it is quite easy to spot foreigners on the road married to locals speaking foreign languages. They're happy and at the same time they think about their lives back then. So whenever I see babushkas (grannies) staring, I sometimes smile at them or quietly and slowly leave beause they are also fond of starting a looooong conversation.
That day she took out many old pictures, introduced who they were and what happened to them. Of course mostly connected to war. It's not that she was fond of telling stories about war, it's just that most of these intelectual men in the family & friends circle all ended up in the front. If you know Russian history, you'll understand what I mean.
We stayed for 3 hours which usually doesn't and shouldn't happen because she had to take a rest in the afternoon. All family guests stay at most for an hour giving her enough time to rest. But we couldn't leave her because she was very energetic and she didn't finish her stories. She asked my husband to make pictures of the old printed pictures she had. She said it's better we have them in file. They were black&white. When we finally decided to leave, she wanted to show us one more thing. It's a painting of her husband, my husband's grandfather which she didn't and won't sell or even give to museum as most of his paintings are in the museum or in the National Art Gallery. He and Dau Ani's brother were two of the best painters during soviet era. She wanted to show us where she was keeping it but we said we could do it other time. She didn't want us to go but we insisted. We knew she was excited but we couldn't not give her a rest.
So we parted never thinking that it would be our last time together. :( She passed away on December 10, 2014.
(the story doesn't end there, I will continue next time)
"Dau Ani" means grandmother. My husband's grandmother who raised him as a kid to support his mom who was then at the peak of her career.
If you have read one of my posts in fall, I once mentioned visiting her after we picked up yellow leaves in the park to bring her the season since she can't go out anymore. We also made a video of squirrel to show her. We brought her fresh (relatively fresh) coconut from Thailand which we found in the shop. We had fun, lots of fun opening the coconut with a kitchen knife and a hammer to help. That was ridiculous of course but we shared this memory with her. She was very excited that day. She was actively taking part in the activity, asking me to make picture of what's inside the coconut. She's not a tech savvy but she got used to it coz we always show her what's new. She was also emotional that day. She cried watching the videos of squirrel. In the video we made, we were asking the squirrel to "come to Dau Ani" and it came to us right up front the camera. It was lovely. Later she was happily laughing at how the squirrel was jumping on our legs and greedily taking nuts from my hands. She likes anything that is and feels beautiful. She'd often say "it's a miracle". I think she was very grateful to many things. She was a child of war so I understand very well how she could never take things for granted like many of us younger generations do. One very funny thing I always laugh at no matter how many times I heard from her is "just in case". She used to have an extra loaf of bread in the fridge and she won't eat it unless there is a replacement. She'd show it to us and say "and here's one more loaf inside...just in case". In case of what?! She'd not even answer us, "just in case" she'd repeat. When I heard of it first time I was laughing hard. Not insulting, just feeling funny. Then she told us stories during the war. How difficult it was. Those stories didn't start and finish in one visit. There were many continuations & different incidents everytime we come. There were times when we all (3 of us, with my hubs and I) end up very quiet having heavy hearts and thoughtful minds. There were many many stories from real experiences, from a first hand witness. She was a veteran. She was a nurse but during the WWII she was amongst those who were patching tank holes which were actively used by soldiers. There were times when they had to drag some parts of a soldier's body from the inside. I am still speechless about these facts. Knowing Russian history is difficult enough for me but hearing real stories from real people close to me is quite overwhelming. It's one thing when you read history, know figures and see pictures. It's another when you know these people, when you feel for these people. Our Dau Ani is just one. I am surrounded with people whose relatives have gone through the same unpleasant things. Unpleasant is surely an understatement. Dau Ani's husband had a more difficult human-heart breaking story, but I'll tell you about him in another post.
I have learned many things from Dau Ani. Really many things about life. She once told us not to think bad if some elderly are staring at us (which happens quite often in our case). She said they don't mean any harm, they just think slow at their age and think a lot more about how life or the world has changed. Russian elderlies lived during soviet times, for them, it's something not easy to believe that nowadays, it is quite easy to spot foreigners on the road married to locals speaking foreign languages. They're happy and at the same time they think about their lives back then. So whenever I see babushkas (grannies) staring, I sometimes smile at them or quietly and slowly leave beause they are also fond of starting a looooong conversation.
That day she took out many old pictures, introduced who they were and what happened to them. Of course mostly connected to war. It's not that she was fond of telling stories about war, it's just that most of these intelectual men in the family & friends circle all ended up in the front. If you know Russian history, you'll understand what I mean.
We stayed for 3 hours which usually doesn't and shouldn't happen because she had to take a rest in the afternoon. All family guests stay at most for an hour giving her enough time to rest. But we couldn't leave her because she was very energetic and she didn't finish her stories. She asked my husband to make pictures of the old printed pictures she had. She said it's better we have them in file. They were black&white. When we finally decided to leave, she wanted to show us one more thing. It's a painting of her husband, my husband's grandfather which she didn't and won't sell or even give to museum as most of his paintings are in the museum or in the National Art Gallery. He and Dau Ani's brother were two of the best painters during soviet era. She wanted to show us where she was keeping it but we said we could do it other time. She didn't want us to go but we insisted. We knew she was excited but we couldn't not give her a rest.
So we parted never thinking that it would be our last time together. :( She passed away on December 10, 2014.
(the story doesn't end there, I will continue next time)
Oh, my. I knew things had been very distressing for you over the holiday season but I wasn't sure why. I just knew they weren't good. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of this amazing woman. What a life she experienced.
ReplyDeleteI watch a lot of World War II documentaries and have seen a good deal about how Russia was affected by the war. It was a grim period for the world but I think in many ways Russia was hit all the harder with some of the greatest losses at the front. To hear of stories of what it would be like during that time would be a special moment -- I know many people who were involved in the war don't like to speak of it at all.
She needed you both that day and you and your husband gave her a very great gift in your time together. By listening, by sharing your stories and the video, you were connecting her to worlds present that she could no longer experience and worlds past that she needed to share, to be heard.
Your husband was a lucky man indeed to be raised by this strong woman who had seen so very much of life at a young age. Your hearts must both be aching and I send you wishes of peace and healing. I hope telling her story is healing for you. It helps keep her memory alive.
I'm so sorry to hear that Dau Ani passed away. We will never truly understand what the people of her generation had to endure and live through. Our complaints today are nothing compared to what their realities were. My condolences to you and your husband. I'm looking forward to reading more of Dau Ani's story.
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