Sometimes when you are deeply asleep you thought everything is calm and peaceful until suddenly a nightmare appears. It is the same when you thought you are living quite a happy and serene life and then comes somebody who reminds you of a painful past. There are some things in life which I'd rather not remember. Those things which hurt me most left deep bruises which I hope are healing by themselves 'cause I've got no power to do so. Sometimes I'd better ignore things than bring them up for it might just end up in a disaster in which everyone involve will get hurt . I am always careful with my actions that before I do things, I already have foreseen and studied the consequences from both sides. And I expect others to do the same when it comes to things that has to do with me. When it fails, I don't demand explanation but I don't give either. I just do what serves right for me. I love myself so much that I am willing to protect it from any threat and further pain. Human as I am, I also got a soft heart but this softness can be hardened by painful experiences it has acquired in time. In some inevitable situations, I'd weep and get torn but that wont change the favor I have to give myself. I am very tolerant of pain that I don't let it go. There was a reason why it happened and let that reason stand out and live (if that's the case). The process could be painful but nothing could be more painful than the way I was hurt. I wish I was stupid so I wont realize what had happened but I am not, I am shrewd more than how I seem to be. I wish I was numb so I wont mind things at all, but I am sensibly sensitive person. I wish I was fickle-minded so I could easily change decisions, but I am not, I am very decisive individual. I wish I wasn't as stubborn as I am so I would have a softer heart to change things. I wish I am ready for this but it came so sudden that I AM NOT.
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