I waited till after Easter Sunday before I talk about this. Everybody deserves a Happy Easter greeting but that is not what I got. I received a sad news from the family. My cousin died of cancer yesterday - on an Easter Sunday. I remember when we were kids, when our maternal grandparents were still with us, we used to have a family reunion. It is such a big family that every year, the party is hosted by different members at different places. I met a lot of cousins aunts and uncles whom sometimes i haven't even met before. As for a youth, it was such a big fun for me. There was always a picture taking of the whole clan when our grannys would count how many grand and great grandchildren were coming each year. I have never attended any of the reunions anymore since I left Philippines. It was such a good memory of family reunion until now when it'll be Mary-Anne's death anniversary.
She's the daughter of my Mom's younger brother who died few years ago. She's only 26 years old, has a boyfriend who wanted to marry her despite of her condition when she was still struggling. I regret that I didn't pay her a visit when i was in the Philippines last summer. I had a very complicated situation that time that I wasn't able to things very right. She was brought home already when we were coming back to China. Everybody had hopes that things will be better.
It's God's will probably and we just have to submit to it. It is sad of course but at least her pains and sufferings finally ended. May she rest in peace.
Death is a painful loss. But losing someone who is alive is even more painful. Death is natural. Losing someone alive is intentional. It is most painful when you lost someone whom you trusted a lot. It is dreadful to lose someone you didn't want to yet is not possible to lose at all. I have lost so many significant people in my life already that i got numb to pain. I become as tough as I am now due to fear of losing ...all the time. I tend to overprotect myself that I always keep distance from people even to those who are dear to me because of fear that i might lose them one day and I will not be able to handle it. Yes I admit I am afraid. My toughness is just to cover-up. I'm putting a shield on even before the threat comes. I don't know if I'm doing right but this is how it works for me. Many people would tell me I am wrong but I cannot be them. This is how I learned to survive.
She's the daughter of my Mom's younger brother who died few years ago. She's only 26 years old, has a boyfriend who wanted to marry her despite of her condition when she was still struggling. I regret that I didn't pay her a visit when i was in the Philippines last summer. I had a very complicated situation that time that I wasn't able to things very right. She was brought home already when we were coming back to China. Everybody had hopes that things will be better.
It's God's will probably and we just have to submit to it. It is sad of course but at least her pains and sufferings finally ended. May she rest in peace.
Death is a painful loss. But losing someone who is alive is even more painful. Death is natural. Losing someone alive is intentional. It is most painful when you lost someone whom you trusted a lot. It is dreadful to lose someone you didn't want to yet is not possible to lose at all. I have lost so many significant people in my life already that i got numb to pain. I become as tough as I am now due to fear of losing ...all the time. I tend to overprotect myself that I always keep distance from people even to those who are dear to me because of fear that i might lose them one day and I will not be able to handle it. Yes I admit I am afraid. My toughness is just to cover-up. I'm putting a shield on even before the threat comes. I don't know if I'm doing right but this is how it works for me. Many people would tell me I am wrong but I cannot be them. This is how I learned to survive.
I am so sorry for you. :(
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your concern.
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