intuition is such a powerful energy that could make or destroy a person, a relationship and a life. for many situations, people who got stronger intuition are admired or feared depending on how the person makes it affect others. people who got very distinct intuition have tendencies of being regarded as "abnormal" or "psycho" or something else which would threaten them so they'd somehow doubt their insights. but the thing is ... what if it is true?
i am NOT saying that i got perfect intuition. but most of the time i do. it's not that i'm proud of it but i'm actually scared of it. for one hand, it satisfies my hunger for truth but for other hand, results bring me down at most times. it could be rewarding sometimes when outcome brings relief. however frustrating when it brings pain. they say "reality bites" - it sure does! why do i crave for such if i know it would hurt? perhaps because of "hope" that it might not be what i expected? :(
intuition makes me feel smarter and brave for a time. but does it make me happy? bet not. the more i discover, the more i get dissapointed, the more i get hurt, the more i fear. then i become weak. then everything loses its essence. nothing then can satisfiy me. when it happens, i become detached ... from the world, its people and from everything. i tried not to but things keep on happening. how can i get over this?
they say that the happiest people are those who know less. for some extent i envy them. they are so simple that nothing could even harm them. but if you were not born the way they are, it is much more difficult to be them. you cannot try to be somebody else. you will always be you. you might be successful in counterfeiting your real personality but you can never lie to yourself. the truth lies deep inside.
why does my intuition have so much truth in it? what am i supposed to do with that? what am i supposed to be? i could have made the most of it if i would be a police detective. but i'm not. i am just a detective guarding my own life. haha damn so... i am?! yeah, partly maybe i should admit that. i do guard myself ...from getting tricked and hurt. but what does this guarding brings? still pain! what the ... what can i do if pain and dissapointment are the honest answers that truth brings.
should i seek no more?
should i play blind, deaf and numb?
where will it end?
what will it bring?
we seek for truth thinking that we will be happy if we would just know it. i may not feel happy but at least i wont feel outsmarted. how does it feel then? secured? how does security feel? i don't know but nothing like happiness.
happiness is a never ending quest. sometimes the road laid for you is too short that you'll be gone even before you find it. they say "happiness is what we decide for". i'd say that happiness then is a compromise. you decide what makes you happy. i don't support the idea totally but i think i can
make it work. afterall there is nothing absolute.
i should be happy that i got strong sense of knowing the truth. it is my shield from further pain and treachery. i should be happy that i got so much patience and self-control that whatever i discover keeps unharmed unless it is fatal. and if it is, i then can declare a sure victory for i have armours which were not even expected to have exist.
that's how it is in life. it is a war of games between treachery and honesty, pain and love, happiness and sorrow. it's easy to win with logic and rationality but the heart is the traitor. it pulls everything from winning the game with less complication. but the heart however is the core of this game. it is the reason why people struggle and fight to win what the heart craves for. without it, winning will never be the same. there is nothing about winning if you cannot feel it. only the heart can enable you to feel so. life is a war which theme is PURSUIT of HAPPINESS.
i am NOT saying that i got perfect intuition. but most of the time i do. it's not that i'm proud of it but i'm actually scared of it. for one hand, it satisfies my hunger for truth but for other hand, results bring me down at most times. it could be rewarding sometimes when outcome brings relief. however frustrating when it brings pain. they say "reality bites" - it sure does! why do i crave for such if i know it would hurt? perhaps because of "hope" that it might not be what i expected? :(
intuition makes me feel smarter and brave for a time. but does it make me happy? bet not. the more i discover, the more i get dissapointed, the more i get hurt, the more i fear. then i become weak. then everything loses its essence. nothing then can satisfiy me. when it happens, i become detached ... from the world, its people and from everything. i tried not to but things keep on happening. how can i get over this?
they say that the happiest people are those who know less. for some extent i envy them. they are so simple that nothing could even harm them. but if you were not born the way they are, it is much more difficult to be them. you cannot try to be somebody else. you will always be you. you might be successful in counterfeiting your real personality but you can never lie to yourself. the truth lies deep inside.
why does my intuition have so much truth in it? what am i supposed to do with that? what am i supposed to be? i could have made the most of it if i would be a police detective. but i'm not. i am just a detective guarding my own life. haha damn so... i am?! yeah, partly maybe i should admit that. i do guard myself ...from getting tricked and hurt. but what does this guarding brings? still pain! what the ... what can i do if pain and dissapointment are the honest answers that truth brings.
should i seek no more?
should i play blind, deaf and numb?
where will it end?
what will it bring?
we seek for truth thinking that we will be happy if we would just know it. i may not feel happy but at least i wont feel outsmarted. how does it feel then? secured? how does security feel? i don't know but nothing like happiness.
happiness is a never ending quest. sometimes the road laid for you is too short that you'll be gone even before you find it. they say "happiness is what we decide for". i'd say that happiness then is a compromise. you decide what makes you happy. i don't support the idea totally but i think i can
make it work. afterall there is nothing absolute.
i should be happy that i got strong sense of knowing the truth. it is my shield from further pain and treachery. i should be happy that i got so much patience and self-control that whatever i discover keeps unharmed unless it is fatal. and if it is, i then can declare a sure victory for i have armours which were not even expected to have exist.
that's how it is in life. it is a war of games between treachery and honesty, pain and love, happiness and sorrow. it's easy to win with logic and rationality but the heart is the traitor. it pulls everything from winning the game with less complication. but the heart however is the core of this game. it is the reason why people struggle and fight to win what the heart craves for. without it, winning will never be the same. there is nothing about winning if you cannot feel it. only the heart can enable you to feel so. life is a war which theme is PURSUIT of HAPPINESS.
You said it so eloquently... and welcome back!
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