Christmas is in the air. I've been hearing and seeing party pictures from my friends. The sadness deepens within me whenever I look around me and find nothing but plain everyday usual nothingness. I mean it's Christmas hey!
Apparently, it is just the most awaited holiday in the Philippines. It is supposed to be the happiest month ever. Sigh. This is the price of not being home though and I understand that. I got a job to do. I was already pissed and disappointed that I just want to let it pass just like another day. I couldn't find any good mood for it. I'm actually supposed to have classes but Buck that, it's Christmas I'm not going to any work. Four years ago, I was sooo crying that I had to work on December 25th and January the 1st. That was the most tragic days of my life and I still cannot forget it neither forgive my employer for having o consideration at all. Well anyway, i don't wanna drag it to present. So, as I was saying that I couldn't find any good mood for this coming Christmas. I told my bf that we're just gonna do anything for it. Sort of rebellious me again. I was rebelling towards my own happiness. Many things for me means All or Nothing. But at this age I gotta understand some compromise right? Sham asked me at least not to have such a mood. I wanted to be passive but I was obviously angry and bitter. He wanted to at least do some little thing to feel that Christmas exist. Actually it doesn't matter to him whether we celebrate it on the 25th because in Russia they celebrate it in Orthodox time and they pay more attention to New Year rather. So, it's just me who's affected of all these. And I think that he knows that, that's why he's trying to convince me to be happy. Ugh it's not easy for me to change what I meant to do. I already decided to spoil the whole thing but I also don't wanna be a pain in the ass to anyone.
I posted a status in facebook about how I'm feeling about this Christmas. Some friends who are abroad reacted the same. Others who are in homecountry tried to console us. Well, i felt touched somehow. And also I thought that it's probably really bad of me rebelling for nothing/no one on Christmas day. Especially now that in one part of the Philippines, people are probably trying to have a happy Christmas until the most active volcano started erupting yesterday. I's a sad new for everyone. Disasters never cease to happen lately. The flood, typhoon, the Maguindanao massacre, and now the volcano. ):
I'm not taking any Christmas wish for myself this year. I'll offer it to people's safety in the town where the volcano is. I wish everybody to save a little happiness for their Christmas which will probably be in the evacuation centers.
And I will forget about my being stubborn. I'll try to do something which can bring me little joy. I will have A Merry Little Christmas with the man I love. If family and friends are not around, at least I have one. The most special one :)
It's not too bad. So what if the spirit is not present around me? I can have it in my small room and inside my heart. :)
I wish everyone a Happy Christmas. :)))
herewith is a self-made Christmas treat. a season inspired photos :)
and the rest of the photos here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=6083&id=100000501942057
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