Some people I cannot Define

Is it difficult to apologize? If not from the heart at least socially? I refuse to believe that people intentionally doesn't apologize unless they really wanted to offend you. Or am I  that stupid to always believe that people should be polite. I am not naive, I 've met enough people in my life; people of different ages, people from different walks of life starting from priests to prisoners to rape victims, politicians, judge & lawyers, actors, models, artists, junk collector, grave digger, businessmen, prostitute, doctors, etc.; people from different countries, and when I say different, I  don't  mean 2 or 3, I  mean that many. I didn't  merely saw them of heard about them. I have spent sometime with these people, talked with them 'bout life & stuff. I hanged out with some of them repeatedly. I understand that people are different and alike at the same time.  They could be good or bad or both.

But what I am just trying to understand at this moment is why some people hold 2 diplomas, attain higher education work in supposedly cultural & academic place CANNOT simply behave correctly. Again, I refuse to believe that she's bad, I  do not want to say she's  stupid. I reserve that word to someone who really is dumb.

It started yesterday. I was in one of the rooms, changing my shoes before going home. In winter we do change shoes from outdoor to indoor and vice versa. Since my outdoor shoes are winter boots, It's taking a little time. She came in with 2 other people whom I don't  know.  I was at the middle of putting on thicker socks on one foot, I  was surprised but they weren't,  well, the other 2 are just following. I asked if they could give me a minute, she uttered ok but didn't even took a step back to the door or something. She continued, drag 2 chairs for her guests and sat. It was actually very embarrassing but I  swallowed it. My feet doesn't smell in case you're wondering, my socks didn't have holes. It was pink and "hello kitty" :). Whatever, anyway, I  think that was rather very inconsiderate.

The next thing today. It wasn't my working day but I  went coz I was expecting to meet 2 girls. whom they have talked to beforehand. So I  was there, waiting and waiting until it was time. I asked her whether the girls called and said something about today. She said they're not coming. And I  asked why didn't she tell me in the first place, I  could have just stayed home or gone home earlier. And she became very defensive pointing fingers to the girl who wasn't picking up the phone etc, etc. I was not even angry, I  was calmly and nicely asking her to explain and telling her what could have been done better so no one wastes time. It was clearly her fault and she didn't even apologize. She didn't value my time and she didn't care that she made a mistake.

Remember I mentioned in my previous post that some people, once they've figure out that you're kind and nice, they tend to abuse you ...coz they think you're weak & they can play their game being the "stronger" one. Believe me, she's  very tame and obedient to others at work because they are very arrogant towards her. I am not & never will be. I can play arrogant and bossy when I  am ready for the situation. But then I  need to rehearse for that. I can "act" quite well...but at the "backstage", I think a lot about it. In fact, I  was playing this role for sometime towards her. It was fine. Less contact, the better. I played unapproachable and she bought it, she didn't dare having any interactions with me. But lately, I was becoming more & more jolly and friendly. I always was, just that sometimes I  have to pretend pissed and angry. Wow, what a job, I  just realize that right this very moment.

Why do some people cannot behave right when they are treated well and fair? Why do they listen more to those who treat them like sh*t. (I am not exaggerating, I have seen it happen). The most interesting thing is, those who are very arrogant towards them are very respectful towards me so when they complain about those people, I can't sympathize with them for those people were never rude to me. I do not want to pretend bitchy, bossy or arrogant all the time for the sake of efficiency. I am not a saint but I simply don't  feel comfortable acting the way I do. It isn't me. Why can I not be Me at all times? Why do I have to break the values my parents invested in me just to receive what I  deserve? I don't want to change. But I  cannot  change others either. Dealing with people could be a difficult task...but that's  my job.

Now the thing is, the big boss asked me, (note, the big boss asks me, never tells nor demands, she's  really ok) if I  can hold a staff meeting like we used to a year ago. She said that she feels the we need it coz the employees are tending to be more and more aloof from each other, that she sees no cooperation and everybody seem just be on their own. It was more of a consultation coz she was asking me for a better solution. I said I  will try. She thanked me. But for few days already I've been thinking about it. The fact is, if I don't  feel like doing it, I  can refuse. There'll be no bad consequence to me. I will not be fired, don't  worry :). I am rather concerned whether I would like to do it or not. I have lost the will doing it at the end of last year, that is why I  stopped it. There is so much thing to be taught and learned...most specifically with attitude. I cannot change it. I understand the boss's dream. It is hers so she wants it best. But the more I  integrate, the more I am realizing that some things are simply impossible to change, besides me NOT wanting to change it. I don't  know, I  haven't  made a decision yet.